millennium U. Courses:
Shmoozac: The Art of Sing-Song Conversation
Learn how hypnotize with your voice. Like the rising and falling
of the waterfall, your voice can persuade and influence while no
one notices. Make others do your bidding, bidding, bidding la la.
Touching Your Computer
It's not just a keyboard and a mouse, it's a part of you. Be good
to yourself and wash your hands.
Writing Without Punctuation
Finally the information age has relieved us of having to know when
to put in commas and periods and the like when all that is required
is a good sound style that eliminates the need for all that nonsense
the run-on sentence is king in the land of the digital word
and now experts will guide you through the wonderful experience
of minimal punctuation. Occasional dashes and periods may be used.
Ten Fatal Dates
Dating service employees teach you how to avoid the ten most awful
dates like going out for lunch near dumpsters, watching pornography
too soon, and shopping for tunics.
Dancing in Public
Gene Kelly is the model in "Singing in the Rain." Bring
back an old custom and have fun doing it.
It's about time this underground activity came out!
Psychic Powers That You Already Have
If you have ever had the experience of remembering anything this
is the class for you. Experts teach you how your memory is the key
to hidden powers of prediction, how to make lists, how to phone
ahead, how to make reservations, how to enjoy a movie you've already
seen this and much more.
Flatulence and Honesty: The Twelve Stages of a Relationship
Intimacy is just around the corner in the new age- so get a head
start with this sensitivity class that lets you let it all out.
Bring someone you love or dislike intensly, no half measures.
How to Leverage Your Celebrity Look-Alike
They tell you you look like Michael Pollard but you don't know
how to use it? After this class you will get free valet parking,
extra glasses of water, and winks.
How to Read More Slowly
Finally enough with the speed-reading. Slow down and have some
fun with a book - take a couple of years to read Stephen King novels
you'll be amazed at how much more interesting words can be
when your not going through them like aspirin.
Dim Toe: The Ancient Chinese Art of Toe Clipping
Divine your own future with toe-nail clippings.
Audio Books for the Hearing Challenged
Begging, Pleading and Sucking Up: How to Get It for Free
Everyone else is doing it, now you can learn how too.
Appropriate Cursing: The Art of Swearing Effectively
Pepper you speech with salty language, get the attention you so
badly deserve. You have heard others do it but could never figure
out when it was appropriate. Never say darn again.
Disguises and How to Recognize Them
Does the mailman look slightly familiar? Is your wife's friend
vaguely familiar? Do you think you know that guy over by the jukebox?
Well you probably do and now you can train yourself to remember
names, faces, even smells.
The Art of Forgetting Through Practice and Repetition
Too much information got you down? Take this quick and easy class
to hone your skills at blanking. Take it more than once if desired.
Paranoia: What No One is Telling You
You're the only one who really cares about this so take the class.
Meet others who want to know all about you.
Genuine Twenty First Century mysticism, this class looks at how
modern science has made it possible to understand the ancient secrets
They all tell you your being a martyr? Tell them they haven't seen
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