Concerned

Dear Ms. Disiac,

I recently found out my ex-girlfriend had been cheating on me to a larger degree she had once told me. A simple kiss in confusion was a cover for something larger. What really happened and why still bothers me, since everything seemed to be going fine. My X did have some past issues. Respecting herself was not a high priority, and I realize that the confidence on her part was extremely low. I felt I was the person who picked her up. In fact I know I showed her how to start loving herself more, and believe she was that diamond in the rough. Now I've lost her, due to her impulsive ways to lie over and over, and cheat. I worry about her. I'm five years older than her, and can look from the outside in to what she is doing to herself since I've seen all this before. Her self-destructive ways have returned, and I have no idea how to help someone who does not want to help herself.

Becoming a statistic is soon to follow! Should I talk to her immediate family whom have never been clued in to what she had, and presently repeatedly become. Their daughter is caught up being twenty years old, but may not reach 25 if she remains ignorant to the possibilities of STDs. I took a big chance being a huge part of her life this last year, and she's thanking me by sleeping with anyone who will respect her for a couple of hours. The control factor of being able to walk away from all these men, only deepens the hole she is falling in to. Personally I feel I'm the only one close enough to make sense of her life, and set her on the right coarse. The majority of her other friends are a product of this constant environment. I still love her, and feel she is heading for a disaster! Please find time to write me back, I thought I would be the last person who would ever write a letter to a perfect stranger pretty much begging for advice. Thank you...

­ Concerned

Dear Concerned,

It's obvious that your anger towards her is equal to your concern for her. I know you have feelings for her, but you clearly cannot have a relationship with her. She wants to have fun and play the field and I don't think that you can stop her. Even if you think you can be objective, you are not in a position to judge whether she is being reckless with her life. Telling her family sounds more like an act of anger than an act of concern. You are concerned about her emotional and physical health, but what about yours? If you truly fear for her health you must get checked yourself. If you think that she can't love herself then she can't love you either.

- Afra

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