Messing Around

Dear Ms. Disiac,

I've been "messing around" with this guy at my college for about two semesters now. Behind closed doors we are very intimate, but in public he won't even hold my hand! He says it's because he doesn't like public displays of affection and he doesn't want people to know his business.

I feel that when I'm with someone I want the world to know. He tells me that he can't give me the type of relationship that I want because he isn't straight with himself. Yet, when he sees me even talking to someone else he gets jealous. I told him that I want to be with him and only him and that I would wait as long as it took for us to be an official "couple," but it doesn't seen like that day will ever come. What should I do? I really want him to consider me his woman. I feel that I am giving 150%. How can I make him be as "attached" to me as I am to him?

-Messing Around

Dear Messing Around,

You should listen to what he is saying. Are you going to give your time to someone who already told you that he can't give you the kind of relationship that you want now. If you decide to wait for him, it could be a long and painful time for you. He may never give you want you want in a relationship. You may not be able to make him be as "attached" as you feel, but you may be able to communicate better and build a relationship.

You say you are "messing around", and perhaps your choice of words says a lot. Are you conveniently messing around without spending time together getting to know each other? Perhaps your feelings have jumped ahead of the relationship. If you want to make this work, the best thing you can do is to spend time hanging-out and getting to know each other. Don't force the public displays of affection yet, but also don't only spend all of your time together time in-private messing around. It is possible that he is hiding something from you and hiding you from someone else. This does not seem to be the case here, but you should be aware that is a possibility.

- Afra

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