Confused-NOT

Dear Ms. Disiac,

I am a 21 year old student. During my sophomore year, I met an exchange student from Puerto Rico, we fell in love but she moved back at the end of the semester. We kept in touch and eventually after 2 years of writing and phone calls, she moved back to the city where I study, to be with me. She left her family and friends behind. The first semester she was here, everything went well, but at the end of the semester, we had a huge fight, and she went home for the holidays, during that time, I met a girl that my friends had told me liked me. She was engaged at the time though to some guy. We started spending time together, and she stayed over at my house a lot and we had a relationship, which was great, I could talk more with her, we just connected better, but I still thought about my girl friend. Well, my girlfriend came back, and we made up, and we started dating again. I didn't tell the engaged girl about this, how now, had already broken up with her fiancée, and to this day tells me how much she loves me, I try to avoid her, and talk to her only when she calls, but she is persistent. Well now, I am with my girlfriend, who is a great person, but we don't have much in common, but she is a very nice person, and I can't break up with her for some reason, mainly because she moved all the way to America because of me, but then I think of the other girl, who has a lot in common with me and we can talk to each other more openly. It is weird problem, and I don't know what to do, because I am not sure if I love the other girl...but I miss her when I can't talk to her, and If I think of breaking up with my girlfriend who has sacrificed so much for me, I feel like scum...please help

­ Confused-NOT

Dear Confused-NOT,

You are not confused ­you want to have your cake and eat it too. Relationships entail responsibilities, which you seem to be avoiding. Deceiving two people in this way is only going to lead to pain for both of them, especially when you are affecting their lives in major ways. You have brought one over from another country and you have allowed the other to end her marriage engagement because of you. It is not bad to play the field, but it is when you pretending to be in a serious relationship. It sounds like you may not be ready to be serious with either of them. You are not doing either of them a favor by your deception. You need to start by being honest with each of them, and consider the fact that you may not be ready to be in a committed relationship.

- Afra

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