Orientation

Dear Ms. Disiac,

I have a confusing issue which seems to resurface as soon as I think it is resolved. It regards my sexuality. I have dated boys ever since 13 and have had no problems attracting them, the problem is that I seem to become fixated on friends who are girls. It isn't like when I think I like a guy, it's different. This is also exaserbated by the fact that I hardly ever find boys attractive. When I think of these girls I want to spend all my time with them and get embarrised when I am with them as I think they must know as I am treating them differently to my other friends. I wish this did not keep happening as it is just confusing for me. I have a boyfriend at the moment but I'm not deeply in love with him. We like the same things and I do not find him repulsive (what usually happens when I have a boyfriend). I'm not sure what to do. The idea of being a lesbian does not fill me with joy, yet the idea of kissing a girl turns me on alittle. I don't find boys vile either. So confusing. Please help me out alitle, I've never said this before let alone write it down. Thanks, Ms Smith

­ Orientation

Dear Orientation,

There is nothing wrong with being confused or having feelings for someone of the same gender. It's also not unusual for young people to have mixed and complicated feelings about sexual orientation. You have given no indication that you or your woman friends have acted on those feelings. If your boyfriends usually repulse you, it is possible that you have had some very bad experiences with men. If that is the case, it is not surprising that you have confusion about your orientation. You should try to work through the feelings that are underlying this repulsion. If there is great emotional trauma, then there could be a lot of feelings to work through. People with same-gender orientation usually know it from a very early age, and many know it in childhood. So confusion about these issues does not necessarily mean that you are lesbian. If you cannot workout these issues yourself please seek counseling.

- Afra

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