Friend or Lover
Dear Ms. Disiac,
My girlfriend and I recently broke up. We both are beginning our first year of college. It was a mutual thing, but mainly because she was beginning college and needed to "find herself." We were friends before we got romantically involved, and she wants to be friends now. But she still tells me she loves me and thinks about me all the time. She wants to see me over Thanksgiving break, because she said she wants to hold me and kiss me, etc. I don't know what to do...should I stop associating with her altogether? I can't wait for her to find herself, because there are so many opportunities for me, but I really want to be with her; I love her more than anyone I've ever been with. What should I do?
Friend or Lover
Dear Friend or Lover,
You should see her over Thanksgiving with the intention of straightening things out. Tell her how you feel about all aspects of your situation with her. Meet over a meal so that you can discuss this with her before you let the tingly feelings take over. You should be honest about how her request to find herself is hard on you when she is still acting romantic towards you. Together you should figure out how to get back together or really break up so that you don't overly complicate your life.
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The Couple's Companion : Meditations and Exercises for Getting the Love You Want - Harville Hendrix, et al, Book - Audio Cassette