Dear Ms. Disiac,
I'm single and I'm completely sick of it. I'm 20 years old, I'm told I'm handsome (6'4 1/3" very athletic) I'm very nice, I'm a great listener, I'm smart, a great cook, a poet, a martial artist, and a volunteer firefighter. I don't have any problems getting girls to go out with me, but I can never get past the first date, and I'll tell you why. Some people would call me a freak, and some would just say I'm an individual, but the bottom line is that I'm NOT a "mainstream" person. The best description of me is one that I recently came across on the web a "garg" (from the sound of it, I'm just like Matthew Young) http://members.aol.com/fortmax/aboutgargs.htm. However, I am also a Christian, I don't believe in premarital sex. The combination of these things has left me totally screwed. The Christian girls don't want to go out with me because they think I'm a freak. The secular and the freaky girls will go out with me, but the moment they figure out that I'm not gonna sleep with them, they take off like I have the plague. I have dated two kinds of women in my life, women who don't believe I'm a virgin and think that it's just a "my mind's not just on one thing" pick-up angle, or women who believe me, and are kind of turned on by the thought of "teaching me" and believe that they can change my mind and be the magic first. After the first date, however, the figure out it's not gonna happen and say goodbye. Bottom line: I'm too freaky for the Christian girls, and too Christian for the freaky girls. What can I do?
- Lonely Contradiction
Dear Lonely Contradiction,
I don't think you're freaky, standing up for what you believe-in takes courage. Many of us struggle with our identity, but if you believe strongly in yourself then you should have the patience it takes to meet the right person. You need to ask yourself two things: (1) Why are you waiting and (2) If you are going to wait then why are you torturing yourself by going on dates? If you do not want to have sex now, then sex should not be on your mind. Don't go out on dates, but do get out and socialize, have fun, and don't worry about it. Widen your pool of aquaintances so that you have a chance to meet someone more compatible. When you least expect it, you'll meet that person. If you are feeling impatient, you could speed up the process by going to singles events, a dating service or by running a personal ad.
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