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Continued: Surprise! You're in college!


While marriage has its surprises, so do the relationships forged in college. And those surprises usually start in the dorm room. "I had to adjust to the personalities of roommates. I realized they are different than me and have different perspectives," Carlson explains.

Hemmila found that most good, soul-searching, cleansing conversations with his roommates happened once the lights were out." College is the best experience of your life and you make really close friends," he adds. "I was surprised how much I grew up."

Relationships between the sexes can also take students by surprise especially the way they sometimes wreak havoc with studies, friends and roommates. "Many students are not surprised by how much they enjoy their new social life," says Deanna Murphy, associate dean of student life at Northwestern, "but they are surprised by the difficulty of saying 'no' to social times even when the demands of school are obvious."

Hemmila's view is more to the point: "Don't just sit around talking to the man you're going to marry. Fact is, you probably just met him and he'll be just as dreamy tomorrow so you don't have to bask in his charming glow every waking second. Get involved! If there's a concert or ball game, go!"

Murphy sees students surprised by homesickness. "It's the loneliness they didn't expect. Even though they are busy building new friendships, there's a feeling of loneliness because they are not as well known as they were before they came to college. I've seen students greatly surprised by feelings of inadequacy even though they have always been very confident."

Courtesy of ARA Content

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